Five reasons Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) should be your cult leader

#5.  He cleans up nicely and appeals to everyone.

C&H Calvin's Good Side
That’s right, EVERYONE.  I think we all know that the most potentially dangerous cult figures appear innocent and handsome-looking to us unsuspecting sheeple. It may not be the most important reason (that’s why it’s number 5), but the devil is in the details, as they say. And have you ever seen Calvin rock a comb-over? I’m not suggesting you whistle at little boys but, you know…cue the cat calls.

#4.  Calvin understands today’s youth.
Having a firm grip on young, malleable minds is a priority for any self-respecting cult leader. Calvin not only knows where young folks’ values lie, but he drinks the Kool-Aid himself. After all, the best cult leaders are those who buy into their own crazy-pants doctrines, right?

#3.  Calvin can generate a loyal flock wherever he goes…so long as there is enough snow (One of us…One of us…).
Even in a worst case scenario (i.e., no one wants to join Calvin’s church of almighty-media worship and veneration of its high priest, Hamster Huey), Calvin can conjure up zealots who will rally to his cause. He has done so many times.  

#2.  In the event of loss of leadership or a broken chain of command, more Calvins will rise.

Who else do you know that can make identical copies of themselves quickly and easily–let alone make copies of themselves AT ALL? This is similar to reason number three, but if Calvin were to use his Duplicator to make followers rather than to maintain a solitary figure at the top, a power struggle would quickly ensue. This ability is hence both a strength and a weakness, but when carefully considered, will suffice to give Calvin a god-like status among his followers.

#1.  Calvin can do no wrong–he said so himself (and you believe him).

Like many other religious leaders, Calvin is always right. When you need to be spoon-fed all your beliefs (as most of us do), why not be spoon-fed by someone who is infallible? Out of the way, you Pope-y bastard!

Images from Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes collection(s).


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